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I am Not Enough


Go anywhere on social media, and you can find memes (pictures with words on them) of beautiful backdrops with the words "You are Enough" written in elegant fonts. There are songs and even Ted Talks hailing, "You are enough!" There are books about healing from heartbreak titled or subtitled, "You are Enough." Most of the books I've found titled this are Christian books. Taking it a step further, some memes even say, "For the right man, you will be enough."

The sentiment behind "You are enough" is that you are worthy; you are valuable; you are priceless; you are a treasure. These words of encouragement are meant to help strengthen those who are plagued with self-doubt, those who are struggling with emotional pain and those who lack an identity in Christ. It is imperative to our Christian walk that we remind ourselves of our worth and value every day. We are children of the Most High King, and we are loved beyond measure.

The fallacy, however, comes when we say that we are "enough." It's a lie. We aren't enough. Only Jesus is enough. I'm broken and in need of redemption. I'm a sinner who struggles every day to die to self. I need a savior, precisely because I am not enough on my own. The finished work was on the cross through Jesus, not me.

I'm in the final stages of my second divorce, and I've had two serious adult relationships as well. In each of these relationships, I've believed the lie that I am enough--or that I should be enough. If I'm enough, then why can't these men see that I'm enough? If I'm enough, then why don't they want to stay? My enough must just not be good enough. If I am enough, then that means that I somehow have the power to get these men to stay with me. Because I will be enough for the right man, right? They all left me, so that means I wasn't enough for them to stay. Or they just weren't the right one, because I'm supposedly enough on my own.

This destructive thinking keeps us in bondage. The bottom line is that I am not enough. I never was, and I never will be. If I were enough to get a man to stay, then why would he need Jesus? Why would we need to have God at the center of our marriage? If people were enough, then why did God send His Son to die on the cross for us?

Maybe it's an issue with semantics. But we need to be careful with our definitions and how we interpret what we tell ourselves. If I begin to think that I'm adequate, or that I'm sufficient, or that I'm all my husband needs, then I'm treading in dangerous waters. What we tell ourselves needs to be rooted and grounded in the truth--God's truth. Because the truth is that while I am loved, I am treasured, I am redeemed, I am still left lacking. I am still in need of a savior. Not only do I have to realize that I am not enough, I have to realize that the man God has for me is not enough, either. Both spouses have to realize this for themselves and for each other. My husband won't be enough. He never was, and he never will be--because that's what Jesus is for.

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