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Pro-Love: Save the Teens

Forty two years ago, a scared 16-year-old girl was 4 months pregnant. She was a sophomore in high school and undoubtedly abjectly humiliated. Just imagine the shame she must have felt walking down those high school hallways every day—sitting in the classrooms. The taunts, the whispers, the rejection, the name-calling. Six years earlier, Roe v. Wade had given her a legal way to end her pregnancy—to end her shame. Not only was she pregnant at 16, she was also high-risk. She had gestational diabetes, which can threaten the life and health of the mother carrying the child. How easy it would have been to walk in to a clinic. Namelessly be shuffled to a stark white room, laid on a table. One small procedure to end her humiliation—to end the threat to her own life. Despite all of this, she chose life. She chose adoption. It no doubt was the most difficult decision of her young life. Perhaps she's never had to make that difficult of a decision since. But she knew what all of us know d...

The Key to Understanding Women

"Women are too emotional." Many men believe that women just need to be more logical and less emotional in their decision-making process—that would fix women's problems, men think. There are all kinds of jokes and memes about how emotional women are and men attempting to avoid dealing with women's emotions. So it's not news that men and women experience the world differently—men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, so they say. Men lament their lack of understanding women, yet few take the time to learn about the fundamental differences between the sexes, much less accept those differences. It comes down to one key difference in men and women: how we experience pain.  Humans experience two types of pain: emotional and physical. Generally speaking, men and women handle the pain they experience in vastly different ways. Have you ever seen a man with a cold? It's ridiculous. He's writhing in pain, moaning and complaining. The end of the world is sure...

Every Failed Marriage is the Man's Fault

Let's travel back in time to the Original Sin. Adam and Eve were relaxing in the Garden of Eden. They knew no sin, only the presence of the Lord. In Genesis 3, the serpent comes and starts questioning Eve. Why did Satan choose to talk to Eve? Why not Adam? Do you think Satan knew Eve would have been an easier target? So Eve speaks with the serpent, then she eats the forbidden fruit. She turns to Adam and offers him some, too. Growing up, I always thought the fact that Adam ate the fruit was his downfall. Adam and Eve both disobeyed God, so that was their sin, and now we are all going to hell. But if you look at Gen. 3:6, it says, "she also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it." That means Adam was there when the serpent talked to Eve. He stood right beside Eve when she ate the fruit, and he did nothing. He said nothing. He failed to protect her. He failed to prevent her from walking into sin. That was his sin—apathy. Adam should have s...

Cultivate the Garden of Your Heart

I have a black thumb, and I have ended up killing every plant I've ever tried to own. I even accidently "watered" my cilantro plant with Dr Pepper one day. So the irony of the vision God gave me a while back was not lost on me.  The garden was about 20 feet by 20 feet with a short blue picket fence around it. Chicken wire meticulously wove in and out of the pickets to prevent rabbits and other varmint from infiltrating the perimeter. Honeysuckles and ivy grew along the green wall of a small garden shed with bright white trim that sat on the northern border of the garden. Fragrant magnolias and lantanas grew along the pickets, while honeysuckles, violets, hibiscus, hydrangeas, daisies, tulips, chrysanthemums and other vibrant flowers filled out the spaces in between.  Every day, I tended to my garden. A weed never had a chance to grow in my garden. When I built the garden, landscape fabric had been laid under fresh soil. I would tend the underbrush and look for weeds ...

When My Brother Sins

When other people sin, one of our first reactions is to point out their sin to them. After all, we care about the person, and we don't want them to sin. We want to make sure the ones we love live an upright life. But is pointing out other people's sin biblical? How many times did Jesus point out other people's sin? Let's examine Jesus' behavior and words.  When Jesus meets the Samaritan woman at Jacob's well in John 4, she is surprised Jesus is even talking to her. He is kind and offers her living water. He doesn't point out her sin and tell her she's a harlot. He comments on her marriage situation as a way to show that He is indeed a prophet. He shows her grace and mercy--He is being relational. In John 8:1-11, a woman was caught in the act of adultery. How incredibly embarrassing, but Jesus didn't even tell her she was sinning. He didn't condemn her or shame her. He told her to go and sin no more. He then turned to the self-righteous ...

Dating Advice

A friend recently asked me to give her some sage words of advice about dating. Not sure why she asked me, considering I have no idea how to make a relationship actually work, but these are the things I put together for her. I've done a lot of reading, healing, praying and writing over the years, and these are some of the things I've learned. I've written on some of these topics before, so I've included some hyperlinks to more in-depth articles.  I chose several years ago to never use the word “rejected.” The negative connotation bothered me. I am not rejected ; I will never be rejected. Christ took my rejection on the cross. Someone may choose to not continue dating me (or to be married to me), but I refuse to take that word on as part of my identity. A woman’s greatest need is love—she wants to feel desired, taken care of and put first. A man’s greatest need is respect—to feel honored, listened to and allowed to lead. If both partners do this for each other willing...

How to Submit Your Life to God

My first full sentence was, "Let me do it by me-self!" I've always been fiercely independent and have never enjoyed being told what to do. As I grew up, I read the scripture that told us to "Take up your cross daily and follow me," (Luke 9:23) and I knew the Bible said, "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." (James 4:7) But being the stubborn, hard-headed child I was, I had no idea how to do that, and I was fairly certain I didn't want to. Why would I want to submit to God, anyway? Did it really even matter? When I was younger, Christianity was like a checklist to me. Don't drink: check. Don't smoke: check. Don't cuss: check. Don't have sex: check. Have quiet time every morning: umm...not so much, but I would certainly feel guilty if I didn't.   As I got older and actually did submit my life to the Lord, I realized the key: It's about relationship. I submit this analogy. Le...

Why I am a Conservative

2020 is a presidential election year, and the divide between right and left has never been bigger. With the proliferation of "Fake News," it is becoming harder and harder to determine who is lying and who is telling the truth. Being informed has never been more imperative. Both sides of the aisle accuse the other of hatred, ignorance and bigotry--the list of name-calling goes on and on. But we must know what we believe and why. I feel it is important to teach my children the importance of citizenship, and why it is so crucial to make informed decisions to elect our public leaders. I also feel I should tell you why I am a conservative, and why I believe what I believe. My children will always be free to choose their own path and their own philosophy, but I pray they do so with an informed mind. I am a conservative because I believe in people. I believe that at their core, people are good and kind. I believe that people are capable of making their own decisions on...

Are You Toxic?

In psychology, the  Dunning-Kruger Effect  is a phenomenon where people over-estimate their abilities--either cognitive or physical. The effect basically says that incompetent people lack the self-awareness to know they are incompetent. It states that as you learn more about a concept, you realize more and more how little you know about the concept. This is why when I was 16, I thought I knew everything, but by the time I graduated college, I realized I knew nothing. College and being on my own opened up the entire world to me, and I realized the vast amount of information, history, culture and life that I didn't even know existed. I knew so very, very little. Broadening this psychological effect, we can extrapolate the following to apply to emotional intelligence: ❖ Emotionally unhealthy people don't know they are emotionally unhealthy. ❖ Negative people don't know they are negative. ❖ Toxic people don't know they are toxic. ❖ Narcissists don't know they ...

Jesus Would Advocate for Civil Disobedience

In March, executive orders from governors across the country forced us to stay home, to close schools and churches and to shut down private businesses. Businesses were classified as either "essential" or "non-essential." All businesses deemed "non-essential" were forced to close. This included markets, clothing stores, boutiques, dine-in restaurants, and beauty salons. State parks, city parks, beaches, walking trails, lakes, and other wide open spaces were closed as well. Many people feel that the "social distancing," as it has come to be known, and stay at home executive orders violate their constitutional rights, such as our First Amendment right to freely exercise our religion, our right to peaceably assemble, and that we shall not be deprived of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Some of the people who feel their rights have been violated have decided to exercise their First Amendment right to protest. Some have even chosen...

Anchor for My Soul

A couple years ago, I got a tattoo of an anchor on the inside of my left wrist. Not only have I always loved the water , but I wanted a reminder of Hebrews 6:19-20 that says, "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf..." So when I look down, I can be reminded that Jesus is the anchor of my soul. This scripture got me through a lot of the hard times I've experienced in my life. I never want to forget that Jesus enters before me to the throneroom of grace. I have taken solace in the fact that Jesus intercedes for me on my behalf when I can't find the words to pray. When I first really started to think about this passage of scripture, I thought about how the anchor is firm and secure in the seabed, keeping the boat exactly where it should be. So when my circumstances would rock me back and forth, I would get upset, because I'm su...

Coronavirus Response by Enneagram

The Enneagram test is is a comprehensive personality test that has become wildly popular the past few years. It breaks people down into nine basic categories based on their fears, desires and motivations. If you don't know what type you are, click here  for a free test, or you want to read more about each type, click here . I thought I would have a little fun with the Corona frenzy that has the world shut down right now, and I broke down the responses each personality type would have. Because, hey, what else is there to do at home? (this is for entertainment purposes only!) 1. The Moral Perfectionist Food is rationed Each family member is only allowed four squares of TP per wipe Home school desks are set up with color-coded assignment charts Already wrote her own lessons to teach her children Wonders why people are just now learning how to wash their hands properly 2. The Supportive Advisor Calling grandparents and other elderly to make sure th...

What Makes a Narcissist Miserable?

While not an expert on narcissism by any means, I have been married to two narcissists. Their personalities and how they manifested their narcissism were completely opposite one another, so it took me much longer to see the covert narcissism of husband #2. So one could say that I've been up-close-and-personal with a wide spectrum of narcissism. I recently wrote an article about ways to spot a covert narcissist by looking for  these signs . Because of that article, as well as other conversations I've had with people about narcissism, I was recently asked, "What makes a narcissist feel miserable?" So after thinking about it and praying, I came up with this list of things that would make any narcissist miserable. 1. Being alone A narcissist feeds on the attention of others. They will always surround themselves with others who will tickle their ears and tell them what they want to hear. This is why narcissists jump from one relationship to another. Narcissist...

He Didn't Reject Me; He Rejected the God Inside of Me

After my husband left me in 2013, I spent a lot of time in prayer and supplication to the Lord. I wanted to know if I was making a mistake by divorcing him. I wanted clarity that I wasn't sinning by getting a divorce. Then God gave me a vision. I hesitate to call it a vision, because I know many people stumble when hearing that word--myself included. But it wasn't really a dream, either, but it came to me when I was lying in bed in a half-lucid state, so I'm not sure what else to call it. I was in the middle of a vast body of water with both of my girls, ages 3 and 6 at the time. No life jackets, no boats in sight, and nothing to hold on to. Swimming to shore would require extraordinary effort, and at the moment, it was everything I could do to just breathe. The water lapped into my mouth and nose. I was surely going to drown, and my girls were, too. I kept trying to make sure my precious daughters were above water, but every time I lifted them up, I began to...

Popular Posts

Jesus Would Advocate for Civil Disobedience

In March, executive orders from governors across the country forced us to stay home, to close schools and churches and to shut down private businesses. Businesses were classified as either "essential" or "non-essential." All businesses deemed "non-essential" were forced to close. This included markets, clothing stores, boutiques, dine-in restaurants, and beauty salons. State parks, city parks, beaches, walking trails, lakes, and other wide open spaces were closed as well. Many people feel that the "social distancing," as it has come to be known, and stay at home executive orders violate their constitutional rights, such as our First Amendment right to freely exercise our religion, our right to peaceably assemble, and that we shall not be deprived of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Some of the people who feel their rights have been violated have decided to exercise their First Amendment right to protest. Some have even chosen...

Covert Red Flags: The Real Things You Should Be Looking Out For in Relationships

Your relationship with your spouse should be the closest human relationship you ever have. As we are dating, we are assessing whether or not that person could potentially fit into our inner circle. This causes us to be on high alert for red flags. Most red flags are obvious--lack of communication, anger issues, irresponsibility, controlling behavior, abuse, etc. A quick Google search will bring up list upon list of red flags we should look out for. Being rude to waitstaff, not making your relationship public, not caring about XYZ, stone walling, gaslighting, and more can all be found on most lists. But what about the covert red flags? Those things that are less obvious. My first marriage taught me to look out for the overt red flags like the ones found in every advice column. My second marriage taught me to look out for covert red flags, ones that I never even realized were red flags until I could look back. The entire time we dated, I kept looking for the overt red fla...

Because of Who I Am

Someone posted on Facebook the other day the following: Why would you fight for someone who clearly doesn't want you? Please let them go. You are valuable, just not to them. I thought about it for a minute, because I indeed fought for my husband when he clearly didn't want me. I fought for our marriage, even when he had zero interest in making our marriage work. He had already checked out and told me point-blank that he just didn't want to work on our marriage, but yet I fought on my knees before the Lord. Throughout the first few months of our separation, I prayed day-in and day-out. I beseeched the Lord to intercede. I rebuked Satan, and I prostrated myself before the Lord God Almighty. I went to therapy, and I watched sermons online. I listened to every Jimmy Evans podcast I could find. I journaled and devoured God's Word. I wrote my husband scriptures and prayers daily. I soon filled a 100-page journal front and back. Shortly after he left in June...