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Love The One You're With



Facebook, rife with relationship drivel, once again did not disappoint. I saw the following quote today: "An upgrade isn't someone who looks better than your last. An upgrade is someone who treats, appreciates and values you more than your last." Once again, this quote is so seemingly inspirational on the surface. Finding someone who will treat you better than the last person you were with? Of course we want that. It ended for a reason, right?

But so-called inspirational quotes like these just aren’t. The premise of the argument is flawed at its base. In our "swipe-left" and "swipe-right" dating culture, the illusion that the next one might be the upgrade leaves singles feeling like there is always someone out there who is a more suitable match.

Dating apps like Tinder and Bumble make meeting people to date pretty simple. The fact you can have someone show up on your smartphone while lounging on the couch in your underwear is pretty appealing. In our mind, those aren't actual people on the apps, anyway. It's an image we see. One hundred men swiped right on me today, and thirteen of them are in my queue waiting to talk to me. If I don't like even the slightest thing that drips from their fingertips, I can un-match and see who comes up next in my queue. The attitude is one that if this one doesn't work out, there's another one waiting in the wings to step up.

The issue with all of this is that we carry these swiping attitudes over into our actual relationships. We want instant gratification; we want to cut ties as soon as we feel the slightest pain. We want things to be easy. We want Amazon to deliver to our door tomorrow. We want to curb-side pick up our groceries. We want our food dashed to our door. We ask for a Lyft on the weekends. We don’t want to work for anything, and we don’t want to do anything ourselves. We want to outsource anything that may inconvenience us. But how can we fulfill our God-given purpose if we don't want to be inconvenienced? 

Men were designed to be warriors. Conquerors. Kings. How can men conquer anything when they are waiting in their La-Z-Boy recliner for women to be served up to them on a silver Tinder platter? And women were designed to be helpmeets—to support, unify and edify. How can women unify and edify when they are removing men from their queue for their beard not being the right length or because he has a picture with a fish? 

Even once married, we tend to question, "Did I marry the right person?" We second-guess ourselves, and question our choice and our love. Especially when we have been through marriage and divorce before. God didn't design relationships—much less marriage—to be like this. He doesn't want us swiping to find the next upgrade. He wants us to love the one we're with.

God tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Christ died for the church—for you and me. Husbands are supposed to be willing to die for their wives—that sounds to me like it would be a little inconvenient. It's also the opposite of selfish or swiping. Wives are supposed to honor their husbands. They are supposed to submit to them—as a woman, that sounds really inconvenient. 
 
Obviously as a single person, you are looking to find someone worthy of honoring and loving. Someone who will honor and love you in return. You will go out with some people who are worth the investment, and some who are not. My point is not that we should settle. Please hear me that I am not saying to settle. I am saying we are all flawed. We all need grace. We all need the Lord front and center in our relationships. If we keep tossing out every relationship because you think you can upgrade to someone better, you will never find that person. 

It's been said that "The grass is always greener on the other side," when the saying should actually be, "The grass is greener where it gets watered." So water your lawn. 


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