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The Desires of our Heart

I've experienced a lot of heartache. I've cried myself to sleep more times than I can count. There have been so many desires in my heart that have come to ashes and rubble. I've had to walk away from abusive relationships and marriages, a boyfriend I'm still in love with, jobs, friendships, my perfect house, hopes, dreams and more. I can think of hundreds of unfulfilled desires that I sincerely prayed for that I didn't get.

Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." I wrestle with this scripture, because I did delight myself in the Lord. And my desires still were not given to me. So what am I doing wrong? 

It's the language of the scripture that trips us up. Even reading multiple commentaries on the scripture, it makes one think that if we do this (delight ourselves in the Lord), that God will do that (grant our wishes or desires). I don't think that is what the scripture is saying. 

The word for "give" in Psalm 37:4 is the same word used in Genesis 1:17 when God "placed them (the sun and moon) in the expanse." It's also the same word used in Genesis 9:2 when God tells Noah that the animals will fear him and they are delivered into his hands. It's the same word used in Genesis 17:2 when God tells Abram "I will establish My covenant between Me and you, and I will multiply you exceedingly." 

When I go back and read Psalm 37:4 in light of these other occurrences of the same word, it says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will place/deliver/establish the desires of your heart." It's not saying God will grant my wish. It's saying that if I delight myself in the Lord, He will put HIS desires in my heart. He will place, deliver and establish desires in my heart that reflect His good and perfect will for my life. 

So now I have to repent for all those times I was mad at God for not granting my wishes when I was delighting myself in Him. I should have been allowing Him to place His desires in my heart instead of wishing He would give me my desires. How much hope then, can we have when we delight ourselves in the Lord and allow not my will, but His be done? No more disappointment, and no more hurt thinking God ignores my desires. 

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